As Hell Retreats

Volition tracks



I can only hope
That everything you tell me is righteous
Because I cannot see it all.
I can only inherit it for my own safety
With no revelation of what this all means
I’ll keep believing there is something
And only hope that I am living life with a meaning
But who are you? Who are you, god?
What am I looking for?
Am I afraid to search so I can keep my image clean?
Or should I cross this line, because I feel so alone?
I’m only feeling alone.
Am I the only one who feels like I’m living a perceived lie?
With no revelation of what this all means
I’ll keep believing there is something
And I can hope I’m living life with a meaning
Or am I living life for nothing?




My matriarch, my anchor
Was the only thing to give me grasp and connection
To what love was to me and what love could ever be.
Instead you decimate my thoughts of what a loving being I could have been.
Now I will never reach that high.
She was the saint that had believed in me, Lord.
She was the only saint that I had eyes for.
You left me here, alone. What did I do?
I was starting to put my faith in you!
Could you not see that she was the only one
That kept the single golden thread
From being cut from truth?
Nothing stays gold, or so I am told
Now may I be so bold to say that this life is worth nothing!
I am only so young, God.
But you don’t even flinch to take away my matriarch,
My anchor.
Innocence is dead.
My matriarch, my anchor…is dead.


I’m looking for answers.
I’ve been told I can find it here.
I’ve been praying, but I’m not feeling any better.
I come to you to seek truth.
Tell me now, why is she gone?

“Sometimes the good Lord gives and takes away
And we will never understand.
You must know it is for a good intention”

And for that, he has lost my attention
To love a murderer.
How can I forgive him for that?

“Faith is a key to keep your head up high.”

Even that has been a struggle.
That’s reality.

“But it is all for his plan
I have faith in you, you know.”

I’ve had enough of this reality.
I’m ready to throw it out
My hope, my faith, and yours.
What makes you think I can still believe?

“Then take your little faith out of my walls!
I’ve had enough!”

I was only finding comfort here.
Now you have shunned.
You’ve shunned me.


Is this what you call “the truth, way, and life?”
To abolish the minds that won’t see eye to eye?
Just know you’re no better than me,
Whether I’m a child of God or not.
You’re told to live and love,
But instead, you try to think you’re above everyone.
Well, to your god that has influenced you:

I am no longer yours
I will separate my mind from those
Who have sacrificed themselves
To be poisoned by your words
That have never helped me.

Is it hard to believe that
I will not be like you, and I never will?
You manipulator, you don’t control me anymore.
You don’t control my mind, anymore.


I will not see eye to eye with mankind.
Misanthropy is clouding my mind.
With all the judgments surrounding me,
How can I be pure again?
The cynical ways are coming with full force.
Will there ever be an end?
If there was any hope in my heart, it faded away.
It faded away, along with my only saint.
As much as I want to believe in something,
Whether it be for a god or for man,
My hope has faded away.
The question stirs in my head:
Would I be going in this direction
If the giant would have left me alone?
The answer will be unknown

I’m yearning for connection
I don’t want to be alone, but I have no home.
No can understand me, therefore no can save me.
I can’t even save myself…


As I walk in the black morning grave
A man of wisdom is who I see.
Not the one we talk about in the sky,
But someone we spit on or deny
Because of greed. (Because of me!)

He is a man with something to prove
And he has nothing to lose.
And while I do nothing for anyone, anymore…
He keeps firm for something greater.
I must learn.


A beggar with faith, I see.
But as I can tell, you have lost everything.
So what makes you keep believing?
What keeps you from giving?
Tell me now, because I need it more than ever!
“I know with all that has gone away,
you’d think that I would be filled with hate.
The things I’ve witnessed are examples of
How reality’s gear turns us.
If we face reality, that’s when we’ll feel true.
And with that, you will be able to find the truth.”
So was it meant to be? To see the things I have seen?
To lose what comforted me?
“I’ve been in your position; given up on myself before
What you can’t forget is everything happens for a reason.
It’s hard to keep that in mind,
But everything will be fine in the end.”
Oh, how selfish I have been to think that I am nothing
When you’re out on the roads, out in the cold,
Where we throw our dignity!
And yet, you still have hope for this world.
“Just know you’re worth something
All it takes is faith.

I can only hope you have learned.”


Time has passed since I have encountered what
I think is grace.
Is this destiny putting me back on the track of faith?
Is this destiny protecting me from seeing an early grave?
It’s time to look forward. No more sorrow.
But can I keep this up?
Can I keep my head up this time?
I finally feel sure of myself.
(Poisoned by anger, frustration, lust, and self-gratification.)

All the hate I had for this world,
I’ve only found myself deep in the core now
With my transgression.
Distraction has been made my fixation.
God, there’s no hope for me.
There’s no truth I see.
I feel no love from the skies above.
So much for destiny and faith…


Coming to terms as an insatiable man
After searching for all these years.
It’s time to admit of my ignorance;
I will not find her comfort here.
I’ve wasted my youth searching for lies.
No, nothing can save me now.

With eyes closed, I speculate on what I called my own
Before death decided to play its role.
With eyes open,
I realize that this world has nothing to offer
All I have is hate!
This world has nothing to offer.
And I have no faith!
This world has nothing to offer,
So I will forsake my life!
And I will end it tonight!
This is my volition!


“We both know that I am no comfort,
No being anymore.
But what you do not realize is that death…
That death is only a beautiful way out
Of the restraints of our hardened lives.
It is a sight.
A rebirth.

So release me!
Because I have been released from your world and its sleep! We will reunite on my sanctity’s time…not yours.”

Wake up.


You coward! You try to rid yourself from this life!
With all the bitterness you had for this world,
I know you had a heart of gold like you use to have…”
“What have I done? I never showed care for my son.
This is the consequence for my negligence.”
“…I can only hope you use it well on the other side.
But I will keep hoping you do not pass.
So that it can be shared, so that your heart can be shared.”

“I keep asking why you’re still in pain
If you wear the scars of my mistakes.
Oh, but I was wrong to throw you past my walls
And wound you deeper still for questioning your faith.
But no man’s doubts could ever change the truth
And now I see how much you need to be in her arms forever…
I can only hope you wake up from this sleep so you can
be the angel she would want you to be
Whether it’s here or up there.
We can only hope!”